As a few you know, but many of you don't, my sister and her husband's housewarming party was on Saturday, the last day of February. As is tradition in my family for these types of events, I went to their house, which is in Wisconsin, the week prior. I do enjoy doing it this way because that means I get to spend a little bit of time with just my family before the chaos of the actual event gets started. As most of you have probably figured out by now, if I haven't told you, yes, my mom and sister work for me as my PCAs at this point, which works out well for me, but it is also nice to just have a little bit of time to be a family rather than having to always concentrate on what needs to be done for me in order to allow my daily life to run smoothly.
After about the third or fourth night of being there though, I started getting very lonely because there was one person who I consider family... no, more than that... who I felt should have been able to be there, but heartbreakingly, wasn't. As any of you who read my blog at all should know by now, he is the love of my life, my other half, my everything! The more in love we fall, and the closer and closer we get, the harder and harder it gets to be a part for any length of time, no matter how long or short.
On top of all of my normal "I hate to be away from you" feelings, it was during this trip that he needed me more than ever, and although I was there in every way I possibly could be considering the circumstances, it still hurt to know that for the first time in a long time, maybe even ever, he verbalized that he needed me, and I couldn't come through the way that I truly wanted to.
Granted, he made the comment to me last night that he hadn't realized how much he needed and wanted me around until this past week when everything was falling on his head. Yet I still found a way to let him know that even though we weren't physically together, I was with him every step of the way, and wouldn't have it any other way, so he didn't have to feel like he was losing me along with everything else falling apart, and he sincerely appreciated that! However, there were a couple days while I was gone where I felt like, knowing everything that was going on with him, not being able to be with him in his time of need, and just missing him in general, I was going to hit rock bottom. Now, don't worry, I wouldn't have done anything such as ending it all, or something crazy like that, I was just closer to shutting everyone out than I think I ever have been before. At some points during the week, he was all I could think about, and quite frankly, all I wanted to think about!
I probably could've tried talking to some of my family members about how I was feeling, but I'm not sure how much good that would've done me because they don't necessarily fully understand the dynamics of our relationship, and may never. So, had I tried to take that path, I may have ended up more broken than I was to begin with, and I didn't want to have to go through that.
I am ecstatic to report though that I am whole once again, and I intend for it to stay that way for quite some time!
As I bring this to a close, I'm going to ask all of you who are in "normal" relationships to do me a favor. Don't take for granted the fact that you and your significant other have the ability to most of the time do everything together. Trust me, there isn't much that I wouldn't give to be able to make that happen for the two of us, no matter how fairy tale like it may be, or may seem to some. So, please, please, please, please, please if you have that ability, in light of the fact that there are people out there who don't, don't take it for granted!