I'm sure this is a question most of us have pondered at least once as adults. However, being that most people are relatively healthy, including myself, it probably hasn't been a lingering or reoccurring thought. There's one person I know would've had a beef, however brief and/or sarcastic, with that statement: Cullen! Even before he started the decline to his lowest point, he'd given his ENTIRE heart and life to the Lord! I have no doubt that this meant that as his final days and hours were approaching, not only did he feel it from a physical perspective, but also from a spiritual perspective as well!
I was able to witness one of the many "conversations" he was said to have had with his angel! It was after he moved into the apartment closer to me. When I got to his apartment on this Friday, his PCA was just pushing him out into the living room. Usually when I would come on Fridays and he was in his chair, he'd try to make eye contact with me. Today, however, that wasn't the case. He was looking up and to the left. Odd, I thought. Thinking he didn't hear me come in, I announced my presence again, louder this time. Nothing. A few seconds later, his mom says, "I think somebody is seeing his angel." Now I was more than intrigued! So, I sat quietly for a long moment, studying him...
What I saw was both magical and mystifying! He was engaged in a full conversation with someone or something none of the rest of us in the room had the apparent privilege of seeing! He was even tracking this being around the room using ONLY his eyes! This was something I knew he was capable of through stories Pam, Rick, and his Personal Care Attendants had shared, but had never personally witnessed. The moment I fully understood how important this conversation was to him was when I asked him if he would look down because I had something to show him. With all the defiance he could muster, he looked straight up! It sent chills throughout my body! Writing about it now even does! At that point, we slipped away, telling him to let us know when he was finished.
Later I asked him if his angel talked to him as well. Yup, he (I had asked about gender earlier in the day) sure did! Through a bit more "detective work", I discovered that he'd been asking his angel to take the pain he was in away so he wouldn't have to be stuck in bed while I was there. I was both heartbroken and touched beyond description! That whole experience was UNDOUBTEDLY life changing for me! Which brings me back up to the title of this post. Take 15 or 20 seconds to scroll back up and look at that...
Ready? I hope so. Though I believe there are elements, the Lord, the angels, the Saints, ect., that are part of the standard experience of Heaven, to a greater extent I think we each have our own Heaven. This is a place where all of Cullen's dreams, hopes, longings, and ideas will become reality without effort on his part. I think I might have a good idea of most of its elements, a good share of which I won't share, as he would be upset with me!
He does have an endless supply of tea, both hot and iced, and a heated pool that stretches as far as the eye can see! Almost as important as tea and a pool are the regulation size basketball court, baseball diamond, football field, and hockey rink. All that's great, but doesn't compare to the biggest, and my favorite thing I imagine: a PA system that broadcasts my voice with the touch of a button! He was forever telling me how much he loved to hear me talk, so what could be better?!
Sweet, sweet Cullen: may all your dreams, hopes, longings, and ideas be presented on an even grander scale than even you could've ever imagined! I know you're already well aware that I love you with all my heart, but do you know for how long I will? Forever and ever, amen.