Do you ever get the overwhelming feeling that something bad is about to happen? Does it usually come true?
For the last week I have been feeling it very strongly. Something is terribly wrong and I don't know what it is. None of this is interfering with my socializing and it has yet to infiltrate my dreams, but it is there from the moment I wake and stays until the moment I fall asleep.
I've tried to talk about it but I don't have the words for it and I can't explain the source of it. The closest explanation I have is that it is like I'm standing in the middle of an empty road and just waiting for the oncoming truck. I'm just waiting because I know for a fact it is coming (even though I can't see it) and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. I'm not even trying to get out of the way because I know it won't do any good. And no, this is not a conscious or subconscious metaphor for suicidal thoughts. It's not that. I'm not having any. It's not even a depressing thought. There is the feeling that I need to hurry. I need to get things finished.
The other day a lady in a store asked me if I was okay. I have laughed it off in conversations with others but the truth is that the question deeply disturbed me because something really is not okay. It left me shaking.
What the hell does this mean?
I know that I'm on my own with this one, and for the first time in many months I just took a Xanax because I can't seem to find any other diversion right now.