On resolutions for 2015, I have none other than to work on being the man I strive to be. So many people have told me recently how thankful they have been for my presence in Amber's life. but honestly it was her presence in my life that made the larger difference. I didn't know who I was before she came back into my life, and I'm humbly asking God to keep teaching me so that I don't constantly fall short of my own expectations, let alone His.
As for thankfulness for 2014, I do have thanks.
I know there must be a few people who have read my posts recently who are confused by my words because they were privy to some of the turmoil in our relationship. Yeah, there was some. I also know those same people will also see that in spite of all the turmoil and confusion, there was unwavering love and commitment. It never once stopped. Not for a second. I hope those same people took notice and witnessed her growth and strength in just her last few months. Amber found her voice. Yeah, she could always speak but she never believed her own words. With her improving health in these last few months, she took control and learned she was her own person. She became the woman she strove to be. I noticed. I pray that she noticed too because I was (I am) so incredibly proud of her.
The other thing I am thankful for is God's grace and mercy. I've been a Christian for 30 years now and any grace God has bestowed upon me has been based solely on a promise, not anything I deserve. I'm a pathetic excuse of a Christian. In as much, I'm no biblical scholar either and I'm sure that many of my beliefs would be frowned on. What I do believe is this... Amber's death was not part of "God's plan." I don't believe God targets anyone for the sake of a grand scheme. What I do believe is that His intervention came after her death and He decided that good could come from it. That is God's grace. A terrible event took her away from me, but His mercy meant that at that very same instant, He welcomed her home. For that, I'm thankful.