The other day I read a "How to…" article that was about how to stop yourself from starting a blog. The premise of it was that most people really have nothing useful to say so why bother increasing the volume of the white noise. That line of thought is a crock of shit.
A lot of my motivation for doing things for the last few years is so that I won't be forgotten. I have no lust for attention but I have come to crave acknowledgement. That's how it is with this journal. I have nothing of earthly importance to say, I just want people to remember that I was a real person who always tried to do good. I don't want to be forgotten when I'm gone.
The problem with words in general is that is nobody is really free to say what they want to say. I can't say what I really want to say. I want to but I can't.
I'm tired everyone, so incredibly tired and all that keeps me waking up anymore is the list of things I want to finish for everyone else so they won't forget about me.
I guess the ultimate question is to ask if I really matter? Have I made a difference? I have never felt this lost and abandoned before and I need to know.