The Blog of Daniel

Just my place to write without any delusions of self-importance.

Fathers Day

If you would have asked me 10 years ago where I would be today I would have told you that I had no idea.  If you asked me only 5 years ago I would would have told you that by now I would be married to Laura and we would have that daughter that I always dreamed of.  Ask me today and I will tell you that I simply don't care anymore.  I haven't cared for a while.    There is no point in caring anymore.

Once a year I get to see my long time friends Alan and Michelle.  They have two incredibly wonderful kids.  Two boys.  As kids go, I don't think any parent could ask for anything better than those two boys.    For the last 8 years I have watched my friend Patrick's kids go from tiny ones I could pick up to one handsome young man who towers above me and the other a beautiful young lady  Next week I am going to see all of the children of my sisters.

I think the true measure of a person is what they leave behind when they're gone.  You can spend your whole life doing "things" but they fade with time.  Your true legacy is in your children.  Pieces of you go into them, then into your grand-kids and so on, so there is always a piece of you that will continue on through time.

Fathers Day and birthdays are like a kick in the face.  They are my twice a year confirmation that I have failed as man to leave a legacy.  I don't begrudge anyone who celebrates them since they probably have reason to celebrate, but I have nothing and therefor no reason to celebrate.

I'm not always depressed.  I find enjoyment in things.  I keep myself busy on different projects that I enjoy or others enjoy, but twice a year I get a swift kick in the face that reminds me that all the things I do, I do alone.  Every single thing I have ever done will fail the test of time because there is nobody in the kitchen to help me make dinner and there is no little girl calling me daddy.

I have failed and now it's too late to even try to fix it.

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