The Blog of Daniel

Just my place to write without any delusions of self-importance.

Sex, masturbation, marriage and sin with a side order of fries.

At the risk of losing respect from some of my peers...

The other day a disabled female friend and I were talking about all about sex, masturbation, marriage, sin and all the things about them.  Who, what, where, when, why and how.  All of it.  In the days that followed what I was left with was a mixture of both dread and anger.  Not at the other person, but at the future and the world as a whole.

The consensus of garden variety Christianity is that sex before marriage is bad and that masturbation is not only evil, it's icky too.  Long ago I came to the conclusion that this line of thought was pure crap.  Look it up for yourself.  In my reading I found tons of preachers throwing around the other big F word (fornication) and how bad it is.  Okay, I have to agree with part.  Yes, fornication is indeed bad.  But what is fornication?  I don't think  it's sex before marriage, I think it's sex outside of marriage -aka - If you're married, do not have sex with anyone else.  It's about commitment and fidelity, not chastity.  I find nothing wrong with chastity, in fact I find it noble, but it appears to be a matter of policy, not law.  I could be full of crap on all of this so who knows?

Does that mean that everyone should be running out having sex with anyone and everyone?  No, I think it requires a mature, safe comfortable and monogamous relationship with the other person.  Sex is for adults.  I say adult because I don't think sex is a good idea for teens and even some at college age.  Their brains are still too fucked up with competing hormones so they really don't know what they're getting themselves into.

So what is this all leading to?  Disability.  I have a physical disability and most of my friends are also disabled.  For many disabled, the whole concept of marriage and/or sex is about as likely as winning the lotto.

I myself have an IQ of 162.  I'm the head engineer for a multi-national corporation and I make a good amount of money.  I have a nice car and I love to walk, hike, etc.  People tell me I'm one of the most decent men they have ever met.  None of that matters.  What does matter is that I walk a little funny and have just plain average or perhaps even below average looks.  Therefore a smaller few have ever expressed anything more than just being a friend.  Statistically speaking I have probably used up my allotment of potential mates.  Who knows?

This isn't depression talking.  I'm not depressed.  It's just the cold stone facts of life.  Unfortunately the same life is in store for many of my disabled friends and many of those have had even less or possibly no experiences, sexual or otherwise.

Anyway, because of her upbringing and input from her peers my disabled friend was afraid to tell me that she has had sex.  It didn't phase me.  Good for her.  She's a good person and deserves it.  She told me she had an abortion because pregnancy would have probably meant her death.  I consoled her because I know that it had to be a very traumatic event, especially considering that we both share negative views on abortion in general.  BTW, if any friends who know me personally are trying to guess who this person may be, please stop.  I have a lot of disabled female friends and many have been in the same boat.  It's pretty scary.

She told me that because masturbation was next to impossible she has a friend who will come over from time to time and attempt to "service" her needs.  Honestly, my first thought was "YAY!"  I offered to buy her a vibrator but with her limited dexterity holding it would be difficult.  I have bought a few of my disabled friends vibrators.  Orgasms are wonderful and important.  If she were to ask in earnest I would go over and help her.  I would also hope that if I was unable to anymore, someone would kindly do the same for me.

Now if you're still reading and you're thinking that this is just the rant of some perverted male who likes to "get chicks off", please, well, bite me.  You don't understand and probably are incapable of understanding.  When my friends hurt, I hurt.  Hell, even when some of my "enemies" hurt, I hurt.  I don't want to hurt and I don't want others to hurt.  If that means helping them climb their personal version of Mt.  Everest, then that is what a friend does.  Period.

So I guess this brings me back to the original topic.

If sex before of marriage is a sin then God is telling us disabled that we are not entitled to feel the warmth of another human against our skin.  If masturbation is a sin then God is saying that we disabled are not allowed to have a physical and emotional release from the wants and needs that can have us climbing up the walls at times.  In short, God would be telling us "You're crippled, too bad!"  While I know that fallible men with their stupid group control ideologies may be this cruel, I don't believe God is.

Neither God or disability has relegated us to the position of sexual irrelevance, so why has everyone else?  Any ideas on how to change this?  I no longer have any idea what to do.

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