Star's Stellar Journal

Hey Everyone,

I have the honor and the blessing of knowing some of the best ppl online that there are. I have been depressed because of a lot o things going on and not going on in my life. It has been going on for about a month or so. I wasn't talking to anyone much and if I did I'd eventually go quiet and stop talking and just stare at the screen. But they have gone behind my back the sneaky rascals and for several days have been working on a web page for me with lots of my favorite Christmas cartoons and music on it. A lot of ppl signed it and and submitted things to add to it. I was touched by every word and every thing on itl. It broke me down and I had to cry for a few minutes before I could get my fingers to type up a thank you and it was such an inadequate thank you I was so speechless that they would do that for me.

I didn't know they cared that much for me that they would come together as a group and create a site for me and sign it which special thoughts and feelings. I"m still very speechless and my eyes are still tearing up when I watch the different Christmas videos on it and come across one that I've loved since my child hood. Like one that has the Disney characters singing the 12 days of Christmas and goofy goofs up and says 5 onion rings instead of 5 golden rings and Donald tries to steal his line and just a very funny version of the song. That and several others and several of the animated songs I have on tapes that I've watched since I was a child and now in later years they are falling apart and you all couldn't have known that and it just really made me cry that they were put on this site cause now I have a good copy of them that I can watch anytime of the year I want without having to try and dig them out of my Christmas tote in my closet.

Thank you so much, words cannot express the joy in my heart right now. This gift of friendship and love has put me into the Christmas spirit when nothing else this year has. I can't express how much this means to me and I'll never be able to thank you all enough. I'll always remember this and I have put the page on my toolbar so I can click it anytime I'm feeling down or lonely and know that I"m surrounded my friends that really care about me. Thank you so much I love you all so much. You're the bestest friends that anyone could ever wish for. I wouldn't change knowing you all for anything in the world. Thank you and Merry Christmas!!!

I know it's been a while since I last bloged, I don't mean to keep forgetting just nothing happens worth bloging about in my opinions. I didn't write about the horrible thanks giving I had that some of you probably know about. If you dont' know about it please don't ask because I'm to tired of having people tell me I made to big a deal out of having my feelings hurt by my father in front of my grandparents. That's all I'll say about that. 

The holidays sure are looking blue for me this year no matter how I try to get excited about the upcoming holidays.  Dad being laid off so much off and on and possibly going to be permanently laid after new years.  I've been looking for a job since May without any success. Which is depressing enough with dad's work situation. 

Then my family is taking the magic out of the holidays by saying we arn't gona have gift exchange or carols because they think it will be easier on everyone in these hard times.  I personally don't see how not singing Christmas carols is gona help people. And as for presents a cheap 5 dollar gift or a handmade gift is all you need to have the magic and joy of Christmas morning inter your lives. But they want to take that out which means our whole holidays will consist of nothing but eating finger foods..and talking about politics and all the corruption and problems in the world today....... we do that every day of the week......so I don't see how one day of being merry and full of love and the spirit of family and giving will hurt anyone. 

We all need these little things in life to keep us from going insane. Yet they want to turn them into ordinary run of the mill days and my family being christian Christmas is suppose to be the biggest event of the year besides Easter for us because Christmas is Jesus' birthday. Yet they want to talk about war and politics.   And they wonder why I wish we could go back in time to when Christmas eve family reunion meant more to them then finger foods and politics....when it was caroling and giving simple gifts of love.

We use to put the tree up as a family...but I had to do it alone this year because my dad only wanted to sleep....and mom was to tired and sore to do it. I will keep putting the tree up every year because it represents what Christmas is suppose to be to me; family being together and being happy and believing in the little things like Christmas magic in the glowing lights. Even if I have to start putting it in my room cause my parents get to wear they don't want to put it up and take it down.  Them taking tradition and magic out of everything more and more each year has me so depressed every time the holidays come around. I try and get into the spirit by watching my favorite Christmas shows and movies and going shopping to just look at all the decorations and candy you can buy cause it cheers me up even when I know i"m not going to buy anything even if I had the money because its just fun to look at the stores all decorated and the lights on the houses and in the trees.

Just because we get older doesn't mean we have to let go of the magic that makes the holidays so special. It's not wrong to try and make holidays as special as possible by your attitude and behavior. To put up a bright beautiful tree that cheers you up every time you turn it on.  To make special memories that for a few days out of a whole year that don't center around politics and the problems of the word. To sing Christmas carols as a family and to watch Christmas movies together. To put out cookies for Santa  for the sake of childhood memories even when there arn't any children in the house.

I'm so depressed and this constant constant cold, misty rain that's been falling so often lately isn't helping. I'm not looking forward to Christmas eve and Christmas day because I know I'll just be miserable like I have the past few years. I don't even wake up early any more to see whats under the tree I sleep in until I have about 2 hours to get ready for Christmas lunch. Because its not fun to open gifts when you dad is off somewhere napping  and your mom is running around the house like a stampede trying to make sure everything is ready to welcome my grandparents over.  I use to get up early to help here but I always ended up getting in the way more then I helped.  So I slept in and would open presents alone they don't take pictures for the family album anymore unless they are of Granny and papal I don't have any pics of me in my album since I was in 8th grade I think. And I duno what age they stopped putting pics of my brother in his.

My brother will come over eventually and they might go in to watch him open a present but not always.  All dad does it sleep anymore. Same with mom. I'm home alone all day with no one to talk to then they come home and I"m wanting to talk and have some real human interaction but all they want to do is watch tv and nap.  I"m such a misfit I want to hang onto the magic where the rest of my family thinks its a nuisance to make holidays special.  I don't fit in anywhere, not with my family and I have no Friends in the real world and even if I did I wouldn't fit in I never do. I don't fit in at church.    Why am I such a misfit?  Why don't I fit in? ( as Rudolph would say)

Thanks for letting me get this out I don't really feel better about any of it but I had to get it out somehow. Its gotten to wear I wasn't talking much in the chat or to any of my on-line friends because I was tired of trying to act happy when I'm far from being as happy as I usually am. So I just stayed quiet not wanting to bring others down or have them like my family tell me that I'm a baby and need to grow up and get into the real world.  Well if the real world is whats making me so depressed and others so sad, tired, and stressed out then why do people ask me to have to be miserable like them??  I refuse to let go of the magic and to keep the holidays special even if it puts an wall between me and my family because its the magic that keeps me going. Without magic and true love to believe in whats left for me to believe in? Not my family with their plain jane holiday thinking and certainly not any friends for I have none in the real world. Internet Friends are great but they can't give you a  physical hug, or a physical shoulder for you to cry on. Well I guess that's all duno if I'll keep the bloging up I"m not gona promise to cause it seems when I do promise to I stop making entrees anyway.

Starino

Hey Everyone, 

  I am now an official college graduate of Chattanooga State Technical Community College. Yay me! The ceremony kind of stunk the volunteer marshals who were supposed to keep up with making sure all the rows and seats were filled correctly as we marched in didn't do their job and separated me another girl in my class some of the other students up so we didn't get to march with our program/degree's graduating group. We got stuck back with the dental students I think. We didn't get to be recognized for the degree we'd worked so hard at. So it really stunk. 

  Other then that I had a good day. My parents bought me a book I'd been wanting plus they took me out to eat so it was a lot of fun. I got some money from friends and family. I'm hoping to get my room repainted and get a big work working desk with a big counter top that will go along one side of my room making lots of room to spread out books and papers and things that I'll need whenever I get to the point where I can work from home.  Plus it just needs new paint lol we did it ourselves and it didn't turn out to good.  We're gonna hire someone to do it this time in a pearl brushed sea green. It will be a light pretty green with white pearl brushed over it in swirls to ad some shimmer to it and make it really pretty  will be green and white swirled around.  I'll also use some of the money to pay for my national credentialing exam that I'll have to take soon to get my credentials. Here are some pictures from the graduation and some new flower photos I took yesterday while my family are working on getting my grandparents house repainted.

Graduation > http://www.saidsimple.com/gallery/dana/101710

Flowers > http://www.saidsimple.com/gallery/dana/101034/4

Well that's all for today ttyl *Hugs and mauhs* Byes

Dana

Hey Everyone, 

   I know it's been a long time I'm horrible at blogging, but I've been so busy with school and it will pay off soon.  I GRADUATE the first Saturday in May :D yay me! lol. 

   The reason I'm writing today is to let you all know about a fabulous product I got from the VitaMist company. It's a powder you mix with a drink that's full of vitamins and minerals and proteins this is a special blend for patients of Gastric bypass surgery. They have other formulas and spray vitamins for lots of different things.  I got the Orange flavored mix and it's delicious it comes with it's own scoop which is very convenient for measuring out the right amount for your drink. It mixes instantly and is smooth and fragrant. 

   I feel a lot more energy and It helps me to keep up the vitamins I need to keep my body functioning properly now that I have a smaller stomach pouch and can't eat as much. So it makes sure I keep the right levels to stay healthy.  It's a no carb mix and is sugar free it also comes in lemon.  I haven't tried that one yet though.  It has lots of vitamin C and D and Calcium and iron which are very important for a Gastric bypass patient.

   It really dose give me energy it helps me to wake up in the morning and is a good way to relax at night its such a tropical Orange flavor makes me think I'm in Florida under an orange tree. I like this product very much and I Highly recommend it and their other products such as the vitamin sprays to anyone having trouble keeping their proper vitamin levels or just someone wanting to be a bit more healthy.

Dana  

Hey Everyone,

    Yesterday I spent my day going through my cloths for the yardsale we have in the spring/summer. I tried on all my cloths that I hadn't worn recently to see how they fit me and to get rid of things that were way to big or small or they were just very vaded and torn up, and then I packed them into a box to make room for some new cloths and possibly suits and things depending on where I get a job and what the dress code will be lol. I"m hopin for dressy cassual I hate being super dressed up. I also washed my dirty bed linens and put on fresh sheets and then washed mom and dads dirty sheets as well and other laundry. And I did the dishes and worked on the grocery list.

   Then we went and got groceries nothing very amusing or interesting happened while we were out. When we got home we put things away and then I watched a little bit of tv and then went to bed hoping to get up early and start trying to not to sleep so much during the day, but I didn't sleep good at all last night so I didn't get up till 10 I'd meant to get up at 8 lol. I spent today finishing up my homework and watching The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King with mom and just relaxing nothing else has really happened today so I guess I'll stop for today if anyting else happens I'll write about it tomorrow. Till Then *hugs and muahs* Be good! Byes!

Love,

Dana  

Hey Everyone,

   Today was stressful the charts were very hard to read plus the room was smaller and the girl in our class with a big obnoxious mouth wouldn't be quiet and do her own work instead of calling across the table to ppl around her for help.  And it just bounced off the walls and was realy loud and annoying which made it hard for me to concentrate and to pay attetion during the lecture. 

   The 4 hour clinical session was long and stressful I kept over coding the charts or missing important codes I was suppose to pick up. And the teachers were to busy talking to be of much help so it was a trying day.  Plus being tired from not sleeping well then having to get up early it's been a bad day and it still wasn't over. Had to go through a night class.

 The class was long and dull and rather pointless she spent 2 hours trying to get accross one simple fact.... that different diagnosis make different weighted DRGs which mean different levels of reimbursement for the hospital ect..... we spent the 2 hours codding different diagnossis and adding different things to it or taking things from it to see how little it takes to affect what DRG your diagnosis is put in to and how much the hospital is reimbursed etc...sorry if I rambled but I'm so upset we had to sit there 2 hours for that! To experiement with DRG assignments and how different diagnosis and proceedures effect them. It was so pointless, ppl pay over a thou in tuition and fees for such stupidity and a waist of time! Well I better get started on my homework at least it makes scense reading the chapter and filling out the study guide.... at least that aint a waist it's material we have to know for tests and things. well I"ll talk  to you later *hugs and muahs* Byess

Love,

Dana

Hey Everyone,

 Today was another day coding records at a hospital I did better today then I did last week cause It was a more relaxed atmosphere plus there was  2 people cricling, answering our questions and helping us when we needed it.  Which meant we got more individual attention and didn't have to wait as long to get our questions asnwered. Nothing major happened today the drive was a long one and I'm so tired from it that I"m going to bed now that I have had to wait for dinner and have not eating it. I'm sorry its so short but I am very tired and I have to get up early again tomorrow. So *hugs and muahs* Byesss

Love,

Dana