Amber's Abode

 Don't you just hate it when being a nice person turns around to bite you in the ass?  This always seems to be happening to me, but rarely in the recent past hasn't happened with such ferocity.

 I debated about whether to blog about this for awhile, but someone said I should put it out there.  This is my life after all.

 Okay, so you remember those nice little IRS kicker checks everyone was so excited about?  Mine arrived in due time, but I didn't have much to do with the windfall, so I planned to save it, and I did.  About two weeks later, a friend who has helped me many times in the past was told in the power company office with me present that despite his payment plan, because he was so far behind, he was going to get his power shut off the next day unless he put something down.  This person has a family and was in the process of getting a job he needed power for.  I was with him because I was just walking around with him while he paid bills because we were going to eat lunch after.  Anyway, people are always helping me, so I saw a chance to do the same and I did.  And I still don't regret that.  I will get paid back on my friends first payday, this coming week.

 Things were fine until I looked at my bank website a couple weeks later, (one should really look every day; head subtracting doesn't always work, as you will see) I noticed that I was really close to empty.  Apparently, the IRS, or someone pretending to be them, which is unfortunately more likely, decided that I was only worth half the original amount of the kicker check because I have never actually worked or paid into the system or paid taxes.  This kind of makes sense to me, but I don't know why they would change their minds midstream, so I have multiple people on the case, from both the legitimate possibility angle, as well as the more probable identity theft type of angle.  Anyway, again, I was okay.  I just wouldn't spend anything on the card.  And I didn't.

 Groovy, except I forgot about those automatic withdrawal things, like for Internet (needed) online games I haven't played in months and something that is like Netflix only all on your computer, (WTF?  Those accounts are now canceled, trust me, but they are sneaky when they automatically withdraw.  Because if you have money to cover them you don't even think about it.  Lord I hope I'm not the only one who ever falls into the trap.)  And yes, I've already had the gentle lecture about helping my friend in the first place when there are plenty of public helps in place, especially for power, but I'm still glad I did it.  Good karma rocks.

 But what this means for me today is that my bank, who shall remain nameless but goes under the slogan "woo hoo!", had $454 in it when I woke up this morning.  Which would seem like a jackpot, except for the fact that my rent is $494.  I'm supposed to start out with $615 or so every month.  Stupid overdraft fees.

 So why am I writing about this?  I guess mostly for the venting factor and the personal finance lesson.  I will be fine.  I paid $394 of the rent and will pay the rest when I get paid back, and I don't think they are going to kick me out on the street.  The point is that they could, I guess, and since the people that read this are my friends, I'm presenting an opportunity to help if you would like by clicking on my little tip jar button.  Everything received will go toward paying down the rent.  Anything over will be put in the bank and ignored until such time as it is actually needed.  All unnecessary automatic withdrawals have been canceled.

 If you cannot help in this, or do not wish to, that is okay as well.  I'm just doing something I don't usually do and putting my own needs out there.  I know, I know, I should put them first always.  (Is that Pony I hear screaming at the top of his lungs?  Giggle.)  And I'm learning.  I am.  Quiet smile in a certain direction.  But in the immortal words of DC Talk:

 Some people gotta learn the hard way.  I know I'm the kind of guy who has to find out for myself...

 But still sometimes I hate myself for always putting others first without even thinking.  I do usually like this trait, because I think it's what makes me different from most others on the planet.  It also is what makes me get hurt.  And I so hate getting hurt.  Especially recently.  Especially because I try so hard.  What does everybody think?  Should I stay this way or work extra hard at trying to be a little harder when it comes to feeling other people's energy and needs and caring so much?  And if you are of the opinion that I should change, do you have any advice on how?

 Lift your voices.  I wanna know... laughing.  Me and music.  It's a song, or song fragments of a song called lift your voices by georgie Porgy.  Spelling probably incorrect.  My brain automatically does that when it is trying to heal.

 Anyway, I love you all and value your input and any help.

 Oh, and as a PS, I did talk to my "family" about this.  They are of the opinion I should learn from my own mistakes and are sending the usual $30 check in a couple weeks.  Of course, this is the same "family" who told me recently that my hair was too long, not regulation length.  When I incredulously asked my brother in law if I was now in the Army like him, he responded that I was under his command.  Which apparently he wanted to be the last thing he said to me before deploying for Iraq, which he does the day after tomorrow.  Deep, world-weary sigh.

 Fortunately, I do have real family.  Thank God for you all.

This blog is dedicated to all those who want to have success at a creative hobby.

For years, I have been trying to figure out how to do digital photography in an accessible way because I can't hold the camera. Well, about a month ago my sister and brother-in-law, as a late birthday present, gave me a set up they got from the site:

http://www.orcca.com/photo.htm

They gave me the second one down, called the variable friction arm with super clamp. The arm works really well, and I don't need any of the big switches added for myself camera but that is an option.

The only problem I have had is with the camera itself. It is the adapted version of a Kodak EasyShare. Well, it turns out that I don't need the adaptations, and that whatever they did to adapt it messes with the insides enough that it doesn't want to play with any memory stick, including the one supposedly made for the camera. I have tried three. This is not completely detrimental because the camera itself holds like 10 to 18 pictures on its own, depending on the resolution. But it just a little annoying to have to keep getting help transferring pictures over. On the other hand, it's better than not being able to take any at all.

Still, if you can manage the camera buttons on your own, I recommend just getting the arm and your own digital camera. I am saving up to upgrade. Just make sure the camera has the ability to clamp onto something. Most of them do now.

Oh, and if you want to see the handful of pictures I have managed to take and transfer, (it's a little hard to always take pictures when attendants are always removing the camera arm from the chair) the gallery is here, and will be updated whenever I have new pictures to add so keep looking:

http://www.saidsimple.com/gallery/amber/101743

Oh, and as a side note, if you are trying to upload pictures to your own gallery page and are having issues, ditch Explorer and go with Firefox three. I've been trying to upload to this gallery of a performance since January, and only just succeeded today. It's my first drag performance in January, a few pictures worth looking at:

http://www.saidsimple.com/gallery/amber/101606

Anyway, good luck in all your endeavors!

I know it may seem a little stereotypical because of what I've gone through, but ever since I was introduced to it a couple of years ago, The Golden Girls Has been one of my favorite shows, and Sophia my favorite character.  And she always said something to make me laugh no matter how crappy my day was.

Well, Estelle Getty died this morning.  So instead of writing about how gloomy my day has been, I just wanted to acknowledge her life and thank her for the laughter she added to my own.  Love and laughter was her favorite way to sign an autograph, so I will just say this.

Love and laughter to you and yours.

And tonight before I go to bed, I will do a NyQuil shooter in your honor.  :-).

My mom's dad, Wilbert Brandner, died either this morning or late last night.  He was around 80 years old, and had been ill for quite some time.  Even so the timing was unexpected, at least to me.

He lived in Bismarck North Dakota, and I had not been blessed to see him for about 10 years or so because traveling there is impossible for me.  So my memories of him are mostly from when I was little, but I loved him a lot and I'm really close to my grandma.  We talk on the phone often.  The best thing I remember about grandpa was his humor.  A little misunderstood sometimes by most others, but always there despite difficulties.  He was injured in a grain elevator accident at a pretty young working age, but still managed to push through and provide for his family.

I'm not sure how close he and my mom actually were at this point because my mom still doesn't communicate with me very often, but it has to be hurting her, so please pray for my mom and my grandma and the most.  I'm also hoping that this will help my mom's  faith, if it does indeed need help.

For me, pray that I will get through the struggle of not being able to be there, as usual.  This is the most frustrating thing all around for me lately.

If the concept of praying does not work for you, just send your love and positive energy my way and to the family.  Most of what prayer is is positive energy anyway.

I love you grandpa.  I'm sorry you didn't really get to know the adult me, but maybe we can rectify that later on a long fishing trip.  Don't worry about grandma, I will check in on her often, and she will probably join you before you even have time to miss her.  I will keep telling your bad jokes, but I'm going to blame them on you.  Save me some homemade sausage and sauerkraut, okay?

Your first granddaughter,
Amber Marie

Hi there. The good news is that I'm alive, and I just wanted to write here to prove it.

What has happened is that I got pretty sick in like the middle of May, hospital and everything, and just now I'm beginning to feel like my normal self. There was a lot of necessary staying in bed and then a lot of necessary staying in the house. I can tell you a lot of things about the experience, which I was planning to do in the middle of the experience but had no energy, but at this point it would be a lot better for everybody if I skip the details and just say that it sucked royal dick, and just move on.

I am a lot better, almost perfect now. But I am still dealing with a little weakness and some nausea from an antidepressant I was trying, but I tried to take it with food now, and that really helps. Although I'm still going to ask my doctor in a couple of days if she can take me off of it. Because although they say they see no more side effects, I feel them. Constant motion of the muscles and little body tics that kind of look like a meth addict looking for a fix.

But I do have some really good news. My caregivers were looking for a house which cost them less money in rent, because they are being completely fleeced by landlords of this house.. So they found one nearby that is bigger and better, especially for me. I got to go to it and go through it today.

The Max (our name for the commuter train that connects the suburbs to Portland proper) is straight down a long sidewalk, which is really good and not bumpy. Plus, it's on the end of a dead end street. So that means there are no crazy gang members racing up and down the street. Much safer for me, especially at night. And my room is much much bigger, which makes me more excited, and it has a roll in shower, which will really help me out.

If I have to stay on this side of town for a while, I'm really glad it will be in that house. Unfortunately, we have to wait three weeks. I will probably even have room enough in my room for a surface like a drum kit or what ever you call the physical thing with the sliders, which will be good for me, probably able to actually DJ without having to worry about a mouse and dragging. What else am I going to use the economic stimulus check for? :-)

I was really sad that because of continuing weakness, I had to miss Pride last weekend, because I have been going for three years running, but now I'm happy because it's the first day of summer and solstice and sunny. And to keep me hydrated and hopefully infection free, I am being watched to make sure that I drink a lot of water during the day. Or other water like liquid. At first being watched and kind of forced to drink at least 16 ounces at one time was really really annoying. But after the first couple days, when I stop feeling waterlogged, it's going better because I actually get thirsty when I'm supposed to, so it's easier. I guess old habits die hard. I trained myself when I was little not to drink very much to avoid having to go to the bathroom so often because it wasn't fun dealing with frustrated parents especially in the middle of the night. I didn't realize that that is why I carried it with me, but now that I know, it's easier to do overcome.

Anyway, now you're all caught up. Hopefully it won't be so long between postings next time. But if it is, try not to worry. I'm just going through things to write about later. I didn't know so many people cared. People are calling me on the phone and e-mailing me asking why I haven't blogged. I want to be nice to everybody, but the real truth is I blog because I want to, because I need to get something out what other people can hear my voice so to speak, not just for my readers, although I love my readers. I blog mostly for me, so try not to get angry at me or to overly frustrated if you don't see my words for a while. It just means I'm collecting things to write about later. :-).

Well, on Thursday, I will be 31. It turns out this is going to be a pretty fun few days leading up to it. The actual day will probably be pretty quiet, but that's probably okay.

On the 21st of April was Max's 31st birthday as well, so I went over to his house. I gave him a DVD, which turned out perfect because his family chipped in for a portable DVD player. They gave me money, which I used to replace the iPod headphones which had been broken. We always do a joint birthday celebration, being only eight days apart.

The day before yesterday my dad and stepmom called to tell me they were on their way. I really have trouble with their lack of respect for my schedule, but I couldn't do much when they were already on the road.

Parental visit yesterday was not bad, just empty. And this afternoon, they want to take me to Olive Garden, and that will be it until around Christmas. Sigh. My dad has to have a task to do so he cleaned my chair, which needed it. But he actually called that quality time. I was both amused and sad.

Then, I get to start the real fun. Karaoke tomorrow night, and hanging out with Sharia on Wednesday if she shows up and maybe the younger one of my caregivers on my actual birthday, but I'm not sure.

Now, for the good news. I am now the proud owner of a cobalt blue Nintendo DS! Thank you so much, Jess and Marc! I have two games for it so far. Pokémon Pearl, (you laugh and I will hear you and kick your ass. Grin) and final fantasy something about wings. I'm so excited, because this latter can be controlled completely with the touchscreen and my finger! I don't even need the stylus. Apparently there are quite a handful of other games like this. Like Zelda! I don't have that one yet, but it will be my next acquisition. I'm so excited, because I so love the Zelda games. Seriously, thank you so much you guys. I really don't deserve friends like you.

Now, I'm going to call the parents and see if they remember they were taking me out. Sigh. More report later.

My friend and neighbor, Francis Witherspoon, died this morning at 4 a.m.. She was 92 1/2 years old. She had been in this house since the day after it opened.

As far as depth of conversation goes, I didn't know her very well because the dementia was pretty far gone by the time I met her. But she always had something nice to say to me every day, usually about my outfit. She was a true Southern Belle. When she could she spent warm days out on the back porch with her sweet tea. I never ever saw her wear anything other than a dress, and her makeup always had to be done, even at the end, even if it was just blush. She missed Southern cooking, like I do, so sometimes when she didn't want to eat, I would tell her to pretend it was collard greens and okra. At which she would enthusiastically try a bit and then inform me that I was sadly mistaken.

She was the sweetest lady, but Lord help you if you crossed her enough to get her temper up. Some of the other residents would pick at her sometimes because she had dementia and they didn't think she knew what they were saying. One day she finally had enough at the dinner table and called the lady that was teasing her a shameless hussy and told her to go away and leave her alone. It was funny but also inspiring that she had enough inner strength to stand up for herself even at that late date.

Goodbye, Francis. I just went in your room to see you before they take you on a last trip home to Texas. You look beautiful with your painted nails and pretty gown, but more importantly, you are at peace now and not in pain and probably with your husband and other family. Your family that was here talking to me is sad because they will miss you but they are happy for you as well, and they seem strong. They will be okay. Your granddaughter, Kendra, promises to come back and visit sometime and then the little family here will have a gathering in your honor.

I already miss you. The hole that you left in this house will stay huge for a long time. But don't worry about us. Live on in never-ending peace and joy, with all the fried okra and collard greens and hush puppies you could ever hope to eat.

I love you.