Well, it's definitely been a wild and woolly time since I wrote last.
Right after I wrote I got a blog comment from someone who said that they treasured my words still and they have been hanging on every one of them for years. That should be considered sweet, except it was from the ex-boyfriend, whom I moved the blog here to get away from. He supposedly can't read this anymore, but he's enough of a script kiddie that he might be able to figure out a way around it. So here's a little advice.
If you're reading something and enjoy reading it but don't want the writer to know that you're reading and possibly block you from it, don't say anything about the fact that you are reading. This seems really logical to me, but I don't know.
Also, please stop e-mailing me. I do not hate you, I do not harbor any ill will toward you at all, contrary to what you may think, but I do not love you. And although I'm sad to lose any friendship, I do not want to rekindle one which will likely hurt me again down the road. All of what happened wasn't your fault, and I do apologize for any of my part in it, but what happened at the end was your fault for making me feel unsafe and making my friends feel unsafe. And I own myself enough now to stand here and say that I am not ever going to let you make me feel unsafe again. So your e-mail just makes me sad and annoyed. I do not want your phone number or your description of your new townhouse downtown. And I'm definitely not giving you mine. You haven't been my "friend of the heart" for a long time. Besides, you are married. Even if I, for some crazy reason, wanted to come back in your life, I try not to make a habit of ruining marriages, although it sometimes tries to happen, apparently. Your wife, whoever she is, obviously loves you and trusts you. Treasure that. Treasure her words instead of mine. You need to let go of the past so you can run with what appears to be a pretty bright future. If you care about me at all, do that for yourself and let me try to do the same, though my road hasn't been as easy. I know you will be blessed. And I do wish you only the best.
Let's see, what else has been going on? I had my first visit with my new counselor, which went surprisingly well. I like him a lot, actually. I've set up to see him every other Friday. I was really nervous about that because I miss my first counselor and because this one is a guy, but he put me at ease right away. Yes, Todd and Pony, you were right. Smile.
I finally got the Social Security mess cleared up, just now. I only got my $30 nursing home benefits on the first, because apparently they needed me to call and confirm the change in status in person, not just my caseworker. That makes sense, of course, but I somehow missed that memo. So in about a week, my bank will be flooded, so to speak, with back pay until I am caught up, most of which will likely go to catching up on rent, ("there's only now; there's only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss...." oh, sorry. For some reason, I've been watching that movie repeatedly over the last couple of days) but at least now they won't kick me out or anything.
The only really bad thing was a visit to the emergency room on Friday night. The home health people keep breaking appointments to come change my catheter, so it was like 10 days overdue, and blocked so that nothing that was supposed to be going into the bag was actually making it there. So I had to go to the ER to get it done at 130 in the morning. I'd like to say it was quick and painless, but it wasn't really either one. And now I have yet another bladder infection. Joy to the world. But now, at least, my overall pain is a lot less.
I found out that my dad and stepmom are coming here the weekend after next for my "Christmas" visit. More Joy to the world. I so so want to shave my head. They are slightly nicer to me than my mom and her guy, which wouldn't take much because at least they talk to me, but they are so fake. I haven't decided which is worse, really. And every time they call, they just want free marriage counseling, and they make me feel horrible about myself. Although, in person it's not so bad, because they have to make it look good for the surrounding people. But still, sigh. They know nothing about the real me, and don't even really want to. It's so sad.
I think that's all the news that's fit to print for now. Be careful out there. We've had some pretty extreme stormy weather in these parts. I love you all.