Amber's Abode

Free falling

I have discovered something.  Sad and horny is not a good combination to be at all.

That may be a weird way to start a blog, but it's true.  The sadness is a lot of things.  Just the place getting to me, the walls closing in around me, along with my roommate's possessions.  And a person whom I claimed as a best friend for nine years is gone.  That's right, gentle readers.  Joe has left the building.  He started seeing a shrink, who assured him the zero contact with me would be the best for now.  I've been trying to tell him that for months in varying degrees.  He argued with me, but agrees with the shrink.  Typical, but whatever.

I know this is absolutely for the better, especially for me in the long run.  But it's just weird and hurtful a little not to be able to call him or message him to cheer myself up or do the same for him or play a silly game of name that tune based on song lyrics through messenger to wake my brain up.  I guess now it is "Beck me" (meaning loser) for both of us. 

I'm not sure what to say to you.  I know you will read this.  I love you fits here, but not the way you wanted it to.  Seize the day and don't settle for less then you know you deserve.  Please.  You taught me about both of these things, now just listen to yourself.

Another thing this means though is that I'm on my own for the Internet and phone, which means I may be disconnected for a while.  He left some money to ease the transition, but there are other money things going on and I don't know how long I will be able to stay connected even with his last gift to help.

With all of this, plus trying to be there for everyone near me, I feel like I'm free falling and drowning at the same time.

I guess horny is pretty self-explanatory.  But trying to view or read erotica only makes it worse when you need release really bad and can't help yourself.  Besides, the only stuff I've run into featuring disabled people come from those fetish sites for people that are into amputees or whatever.  Devotees.  I know some people probably have a different opinion, but that really bothers me.  I'm not some bizarre fetish.  I'm not beautiful, but not that.


The sky is blue because of the reflection of the sun.  But sometimes, the sky is red.  Sunrises and sunsets.

Never mind.  Just writing down a reminder for myself.  Thank you to the sayer.  Someday, I'll believe it.

Tomorrow and Sunday are queer pride days down by the waterfront and downtown.  This is my second such celebration as an open to just about anything member of the human family.  Last year was declared lame by others because it was so small..  I hope this year will be better.  But everyone I was trying to hook up with to hang out with now either has to work or do something else.  So we will see how fun it is for me.  But maybe I can find somebody to help me with one or the other or both of my major current problems.

Wish me luck.

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